No Parking Zone

You, as a parent, have just heard the dreaded words that confirm your greatest fear. “I am sorry to have to tell you, but your child has autism.” You probably had a suspicion and now that has been confirmed by an expert in the field of autism. I am here to tell you that it is neither a death sentence nor the end of the world.  I love what Temple Grandin has said about autism as a gift rather than a curse. “What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool? You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.” If you can reframe that diagnosis in a like manner, it has the potential to bring you, as a parent, out of your depressed state and set you on a path to see the world through the eyes of your beautiful and handsome child.

Finding out that your child has a disability is very much like the death of a child. The cycle of grief is much the same. In essence, it is a sort of death…the death of a dream. You had such an incredible dream for the baby you were bringing into this world. Tea parties, dress ups, sports activities, social events and activities all were part of that dream and suddenly you are jolted out of that dream state by the shere reality of a diagnosis. It is okay to be angry, sad, or any other emotion that you are feeling. In other words, “It’s okay to not be okay.”  The real dilemma is that you can’t park here and stay within that state of depression and guilt. 

I have spent 28 years working with individuals on the autism spectrum. I have watched the tears in a mother and father’s eyes well up with the realization of the diagnosis. I have been the one that has delivered the news of the diagnosis. It isn’t a pleasant experience for both the parents or myself. I have also watched those same parents explode with smiles and joy over the progress that they never thought would be possible when their child was newly diagnosed. It is this prospect that you need to focus upon. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it isn’t an oncoming train. I highly recommend that you seek out a parent support group made up of parents that have children with the same diagnosis. It can be a safe haven to express your feelings and discuss your fears.